1. |
Live Alone
02:57
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with every year that passes,
you miss the one before
even though everyone you’ve ever loved
has ended up miserable
stopped taking your meds
only swallow the sugar
what’s one for the other?
call the bluff on the weather
we’re not getting better
lick the blood off each other
if there is a god then i fucking killed her
i hate the way you harbor your heartache
i hate the way you always leave something out
i’ll show you where the knife goes
can’t leave me with my eyes closed
i’ll still haunt you in spite of
the way your hands fit so well around my throat
selfish is as selfish does
give it all up for the hormones, the drugs
hold your hand as you target the gun
the metallic taste of falling in love
i hate the way you harbor your heartache
i hate the way you always leave something out
when i said i wanted to find myself again
this is not what i meant
i love you so much
ill gaslight me too
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2. |
Safety Net
02:07
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i am constantly afraid of nothing
i am constantly injecting, fucking
the feeling of interpersonal rope burn
lust and yearn
you’ll never learn
i do it to myself
let everyone down
who am i kidding?
who am i trying to impress?
you’re a fucking joke
you’re a fucking joke!!!!!!
at the crossroad
on the backburner
caught between what i’ve been hoping for and
your worst nightmare
the receding sun and my receding hope
cut me open so i have substance to choke on
i know you’ll laugh
and i’ll keep going back
to the bastardized past
to find the timeline where it lasts
did i ask for forgiveness?
did i ask for anything at all?
did i ask for forgiveness?
you’ll never learn
forget me not
these bloodlust thoughts
now you’re caught, you’re snared but,
who set the trap?
teeth like a safety net
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3. |
Strangers
02:25
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strangers (and our secrets they carry)
you know i don’t mean it in a bad way
i’ve got an intimate relationship with cognitive dissonance
and you’ve got a mouth like a sniper!
the maggots in the folds of my brain
crawling up the back of my throat
a cocktail of paranoia, disdain
i love the way you smile as i choke
who am i by myself
but another costume in the back of my closet?
who am i by myself
do i exist at all?
i think you taste life the same way that i did
i think you bleed the same way that i bled
nightmares tucked into the bedside nightstand
i miss averting your gaze and tracing your hands
the maggots in the folds of my brain
crawling up the back of my throat
a cocktail of paranoia, disdain
i love the way you smile as i choke
my inner monologue will forever be
an intersection of everyone who has abused me
circle the drain on the disposal of everything
in lust of, an ode to,
my god given right to ruin everything first
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4. |
Rose
02:34
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shake my fist to the clouds
and the everchanging seasons
swallow down the red wine
in spite of all the reasons
the way it smells like my dad’s breath
the way i know that this won’t last
don’t hold me so close
my wilting rose
don’t tell me that you see something here
do you think i’m fucking stupid or that i can’t hear?
the weight of all the promises we both know you’ll break
smoking my luckys first
cause i know that i need it
let it all fall in place
as it falls apart
always looking at you as you look away
dunno what i was really hoping for
don’t look at me like that!
don’t look at me at all!
take it all in
this is just who you are
and you’d say these same things
to anyone alone in the dark
catastrophize between breaths
start and stall the way i can care for you
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5. |
Bless You!
01:52
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lights out, you start to leave
bite my tongue so hard it bleeds
i’ll grip you like rosary beads
dent the pews as i bruise my knees
you are the worst kind of liar
a prophet with false hope
you offered me a stool
when you knew i had rope
my voicemail is not your confession booth
there is no contrition in the way your lips move
where is the penance, if none of its true?
what i would give
to be a saint like you
blessed are we, the tortured, the dammed,
the sinners, the lovers, who bite the hand
that feeds, that bleeds, that takes more than gives
a sign of the cross
on your pretty blue lips
god forgive my naivety
a lack of sleep makes you look holy
poison your thoughts as you pray for me
a martyr in a crusade of misery
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6. |
Don't Get Back Together
01:25
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a sacrificial attempt
to salvage what little is left
and if this all there is
i guess we’ll both succumb to “what if’s”
broke even with disdain for
what was and what will never be again
you love me in my fever dreams
and i’ll buckle your affection
drive off a bridge
grab all that i can carry
in this heist on your heart
ill break a few bones, it doesn’t matter
ill fucking tear you apart
you’re so innocent
when you’re asleep
you’re so innocent
when you take it all out on me
a funeral for fairytales
a eulogy for you and me
a wake for all our grave mistakes
a fingers crossed apology
i’m unsubscribing to your state of mind
i’m letting you call the shots this time
i’m locking what’s left of this heart of mine
i mean it, i’m fine!
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